Whenever the gun control debate heats up one of the most prominent arguments in the national discourse is the defense of the second amendment on the grounds that an individual is entitled to own a firearm to ensure his or her protection, or that of their family.

Now I don't really understand this argument. Let me explain why.

Frankly, if you need so much protection that you are carrying around or proclaiming to the world that you own a lethal weapon, then perhaps you need to reevaluate your life's choices, not your choice in weaponry.

All i am saying here is that you do not have some "God given" intrinsic right to own a firearm.

Sure, they CAN provide protection, but you can also protect yourself without one. It is not fundamental to your person that you own it- in the way freedom of speech or religion is.

A gun is an inanimate object. And that is my point.

So can we just be honest about our reasons for owning them? They are cool. They make you feel powerful. And this is America after all, we own them because WE WANT TO OWN THEM. (It really is ok to say this. It's REAL.)

But none of these things add up to a right with which we were endowed by our "creator".

But I don't want you to read this as some plea for gun control. If you do, you are missing my point completely.

This is an argument for gun HONESTY.

Gun violence is shocking, exciting, and dangerous. But to an extent, so is gun ownership. We own guns because we want to own guns. Sure, everyone has their SPECIFIC reasons. But this one is likely to be on everyone's list. And it's a reason everyone can relate to (even if you don't own a gun). It's a running theme in our culture. We are a FREE nation after all.

So don't get hung up on the way the media (and now, social media) has on the "power" and "protection" that owning a gun gives you. Because this is, at best, faulty reasoning. This argument appeals to emotions, not logic.

Let me explain.

It can be argued, and often is, that those in possession of guns retain some sort of logistical power by extension. For this to be true, everyone who owns a gun must gain some sort of intrinsic power over others.

Yet, regardless of a guns capability, it does not give you some superior influence or respect. Not REAL respect. It grants you the ability to instill fear. And fear by definition, is not power. Far from it actually. Power denotes control or the ability to produce an effect. Fear can be paralyzingly, manipulative even. But it does not convince. It will not win an argument, it merely mutes it while the discontent grows. And most of you, I am sure, will agree that silencing an argument does not make it go away.Authority on the other hand is granted by reciprocal agreement that it is needed. Both parties agree to the agreement, if not the details.

Ironically, gun ownership with the chief purpose being self protection inherently acknowledges fear in the gun owner. Which is interesting because the very emotion the gun owner is trying to protect him or herself from is the very one which inspired the gun purchase to begin with.

Now I realize that owning a gun is as much an American norm as celebrating the 4th of July. But we can't continue to sensationalize gun ownership in this "god given" way. If we do, then these lurid mass shootings will continue to happen. Some people should not own guns and that is the right decision. Putting restrictions on gun ownership for convicted criminals and those with mental disorders is in no way full proof, but it is reasonable, logical behavior. It is not an assault on law abiding citizens gun rights.

If we cannot come to an agreement on this one point then the media will continue in its melodramatic coverage of gun violence while missing the real crime and mental health stories in the process.

I heard myself say it today.
I'm 29.

Thankfully it was in response to someone guessing i was 19, but I digress. So I said, nope, I'm actually 29! Wait, 29?!!!

It sounded so... Foreign.

Am I really 29? Lets see 2012-1983...?
I guess it's true. And I'll be 30 in July? REALLY?!!

Yep.

I really never had any grand "By the time I'm 30..." type plans. But I definitely thought i would "feel" more grown up.

Instead i feel as if I am perpetually stuck at 24. This was the year that i had my daughter and my life changed forever. And ever since, life has to some extent stood still. Not in a literal sense; just in a way that our days are so similar that they flow into each other without a way to distinguish them from another in my memory. We have the same basic routine we had when she was just a baby. And while a lot has changed- we have a new home, a new brother, and she is much more independent then she used to be- it seems as if the world has slowed and revolved only around us for some time now.

It kind of reminds me of that parenting saying the days are long but the years are short. Or however that one goes. Because at the same time that I am feeling this way BOOM! my daughter is 5 and starting school this year, and I'm 29? When did this all happen?

I'm not sure, but I can't say I'm disappointed in the hand 30 is dealing me. When I reflect on the things that I have done, and where I'm at, I am happy. I do feel like I have a lot more to do though. So maybe that explains the younger mindset??

But I don't think I'll try to compile some arbitrary list meant to make me feel accomplished upon completion at 35, or 40. I think, instead, I'll just keep doing what I'm doing. I'll keep enjoying the years however they pass and judging them by how I feel and not how old (or young) i am, or by how much I have accomplished.

And right now, at 29, I feel...

Blessed. <3

The crazy thing is, somehow I actually admire the one thing about you that I can't stand. You put everyone else first. And thats not fair to YOU. But ya know what that shows me? Love. Loyalty. Commitment. Family. You created this thing that we have. You did. Dad helped, sure he did. But you made THIS ALL HAPPEN.

That's why it upsets me when you don't think you do enough. Everything this family has and will do, started with you. And we're pretty great- admit it!

So when you say you are not good enough, I take offense to that. Everything this family has done and will do is because of you in some way. So when you say you aren't enough, you imply that WE are not enough. But I kinda get it I guess. We come from a long line of hard- to- pleasers. So I try not to hold it against you... too often :)

And ya see, I get this because we are not all that different. Lets be real, I didn't get my smarts or my writing chops from dad. I hold a grudge and dispense sarcasm like a full fledged White family member. And that voice in my head- you know the one, it keeps telling me to work harder and never give up- it sounds a whole lot like yours. And it's always there motivating me, which is why I think its funny you admire this about me. Cause its a reflection of YOU. Yep you read that right. Something tells me if it were from dad, it'd be more like "is it time to golf yet?" Haha So that proverbial apple hasn't fallen that far away, now has it?

And while you've painted this picture of what you think we all see, let me share the one that I carry, that's permeated MY life.

There are 3 things that stick out. The first one being you are REAL. You tell the truth. You cuss. You tell dirty jokes. And you laugh at people when they fall. You tell others what you think. And I don't think you even know how to sugarcoat things. You told us life's not fair, life is hard. And so what?! Your response? Do it anyway.

Hmmm... Sound familiar?? I live my life by the motto JUST BE REAL. I wonder where I got that from??

The second is your laugh. It makes me smile even now, thinking about it as I write this. The way your face scrunches and you look confused for just a second before you burst into an all consuming, full body laughter. Sometimes I wonder how it is that you can breathe through all that. But more often than not i am right there with you. You have made me laugh harder and more often than anyone I have ever known. And not the casual, laugh at someone's unfunny jokes to be polite kind of laugh. I'm talking the REAL, my stomach is killing me cause-Aunt June just decapitated a bird, How bout earmuffs?, the water cut off ate your shoe, the trash can tried to eat you, you covertly returning my "pot" (i.e. CATNIP) to me via the stairway only to find 6 reeeeeally happy cats when I got home - kind of laugh.

Imagine how boring my life would be without you.... <3

And finally, I am constantly surprised at how reasonable you can be. Whenever I've needed you. Wherever dad would not have understood. You were there. To talk, to advise. But never did you talk down to me. You encouraged, you were supportive, you were proud. You, mom. You were always a phone call away.

So while you may look back and see things you would have done different, I look back and am grateful for what you have done, and the bar you have set. Really. <3

I don't think anyone prefers group work for the simple fact that the one thing that is sure to result from it is certain to not be YOUR vision. It is an exercise in compromise, and can we be honest here- none of us like to compromise. We enjoy the relationship benefits of the process, but no one appreciates the criticism. It implies your ideas are not good enough and to the truly sensitive, that YOU are not good enough.

Collaborative work can, however, challenge your mental capacity in a way that you never could on your own. And as a result, you become capable of creating work which you never could do alone.

But in accepting the role of co-worker, personal identity is most certainly compromised. Yet this is no different from group behavior in any other sense. To become a functioning group member, one must leave some personal attributes at the door and be willing to accept group norms.

This is a particularly touchy subject in the art world. I have been told more than once that artists are a sensitive species. As a result, many believe the the vulnerability implicit in group work is not worth the creative challenge.

The interesting point here is that while the blame is placed on the outside influences- the group, the criticism, etc.- it appears to actually originate from anxiety within the artist herself.

A collaborative work by definition is not completed until all contributing members have signed off on the final product. If group members give their approval out of obligation, not only is this inauthentic, but this individual is likely to view the process as such as well.

This is not to say there is no value in working alone. There is an inherent freedom in this method which allows for experimentation different from that of group work. Without the anxiety, the mind is allowed to wander and create free from arbitrary perimeters.

But this does not mean that one type of work is inferior to the other. It is just different. And therefore, not truly capable of undermining your personal creative process. That is, unless, you allow it to.

But this point does not ignore the idea that these two types of work influence each other. Of course they do. In fact, every time you are challenged to create something you unconsciously draw from your mental resources. The more of which you have, the more with which you have to create.

Some of the people i am closest to fall into the rejection sensitive category. As such, I feel as though some clarification may be needed for my previous blog. I do not mean to paint this picture of the rejection sensitive as a fatally flawed character as much as to paint our interactions as flawed and unnatural, particularly on my end. I find myself walking on eggshells around these individuals, not at all comfortable enough to be the real me. And that's what I mean when I say meaningful interaction. It is filled with tension, second guessing, and tongue biting on my side. And I am only beginning to understand how it is that these people feel. And the longer we exist in this awkward state, the further we move from really communicating.

So after much contemplation i have come up with a suggestion for the rejection sensitive. (By no means a cure all, but hear me out...)

It is evident that these individuals hyper analyze their own social activity. What I submit to you is an exercise in the study of human behavior, particularly, the study of Carl Jung's inspired psychological types.

I have found this information to be invaluable in my study of social science and perhaps the most cogent of all theories with which I have become familiar. It helps you to understand the motive behind someone's behavior by dissecting their psychological processes.

While you are not certain to type your family and friends accurately, you may be surprised at how this exercise in introspection can turn contagious. As you begin to analyze your own behavior you will likely be inspired to ask others about theirs in an effort to establish a baseline.

But, in this process, you will discover that there are 16 distinctly different psychological types, some inevitably more common than others. However not one of them is bad, or normal even. They are all different. Precisely like each of us are. These types do not explain us completely, instead they elucidate the psychological difference between us all on a fundamental level. They are a blueprint for the personality that we cultivate.

And once you understand the psychological difference between us on this level i hope that you will find that we all have struggles, insecurities, and weaknesses. But while they are ingrained in our psyche, they are not what makes us, well, us. They are a piece. And if you really think about it, and consider the butterfly effect, you may discover that this piece is as significant as the personal attributes of which you are proudest.

So don't stress the things you can't change. The older i get the less i believe in the idea that we can just wake up one day and change our life anyway. Change is not our default operation. It takes effort and commitment which most of us will not embrace until it is the path of least resistance. Learning on the other hand is what our brains were made to do. And though I don't believe in change per se, I do believe in enlightenment.

And if you spend some time attempting to dissect the human psyche, I bet that you will likely find that we are all more alike than a lot of us think and further, that many people are so consumed in their own life, stress and insecurities to even notice yours.

So happy researching. And let me know if this helps!!! <3