I've found a good way to make friends is...
Smile when you meet someone, and ask them questions. When you act this way you come across as friendly. And while not everyone likes to talk about themselves, most people do. And the longer you talk with someone, the more likely you are to find common ground. Once you have found this common ground, friendship is organic. Either it naturally grows, or it fades away. But keep in mind that you will have a different type of relationship with everyone you meet and that is okay. There is no one definition of a "friendship". You will have some close friends and some not so close friends. You will have some friends that you love and some friends that you don't truly like all that much. And then you will have life long friends who, though you don't talk to them all the time, you know they are always there. While it is great to have a lot of friends, do not make this a priority of yours. Those who are worthy of your time and affection will make their way into your life in one way or another. But do not compare yourself to others or wish that someone would like you. By doing so, you are implying that something must be wrong with you when this is not the case. Everyone is different. Some people click and some people don't. It really is as simple as that, so try not to take it personally. 

I've learned to avoid people who...
do not contribute positively to my life. You are not obligated to maintain relationships with people who you do not like or who make you miserable. You may even be happier not having these people in your life at all. But remember that ALL  relationships have ups and downs.  If you never fight with someone, that IS NOT a good sign. It usually means that someone is not being honest or simply doesn't care. Fighting is good and healthy. It means your relationship is alive. It may need work- but, don't all relationships? Removing someone from your life for awhile and not forever is okay too. Sometimes that is what's needed. Just remember to do what's best for you in each relationship. Because if you are unhappy, the relationship  will not make you happy. Let the people in that you want, and keep those at a distance that you need to. It is your life, and only you know what you need from others. 
But keep in mind too that you will NOT like everyone you meet and that is okay. But you do have to get along with and respect people you do not like. The sooner you learn to do this, the easier life will be--- Really!

A good rule for getting along with others is...
try to remember that everyone is different and that that is okay. You will not get along with everyone you meet (or everyone you are related to for that matter...). But you must treat everyone with respect. Not everyone is worthy of your time, not of your money, not of your affection, but every person is worthy of your respect. Treating others the way you would have them treat you will pay dividends, trust me on this. And learn as early as you can to bite your tongue. I know you probably think I don't do this often, but I really do. (you can stop laughing now...) Sometimes it's better to leave somethings unsaid and move on. 

A way to encourage/discourage someone's romantic interest in you is... 
to be honest about your feelings for them. Not everyone is comfortable enough in themselves, especially as teenagers, to approach someone they like and be able to ask them out. If you like someone, just TELL THEM. Even if they don't return the feelings, it is flattering. Confidence aside, no one really knows what will happen when you tell someone you're interested in them. But if you never say anything, then you can be sure that nothing will ever happen. I had NO IDEA that your dad was interested in me before we got together! But I told him I liked him and I thought we should get together and look how we turned out? This approach will obviously not always work, but it's worth finding out if someone likes you so that you can move on if they don't. Please don't sit around waiting for someone because you are an amazing person. And someone out there is right for you, and they are looking for someone like you too. 

You'll know you're really in love when...
you don't question whether or not it is actually love. Poets have for centuries tried to put words to this emotion we call love. And I don't for the life of me know what the hell they are talking about most of the time. But I do know that you will know when you feel it and everyone else will be able to read it all over your face. Even now, 13 years into our relationship, a friend of mine tells me she can always tell if I am on the phone with your dad by the look on my face. And I don't doubt it. When I see his number come up, it automatically makes me smile. I really think that love is simply finding that one person who gets you. They see the good, the bad and everything in between and they accept and love you because of it. I found a card once for your dad that put my feelings into words almost exactly and it said this:
 
Because you let me know you completely
Because you are still a mystery
Because you do not wish to change me
Because you have changed me forever
Because you see the good in me
Because you forgive all else in me
Because you are not who I expected to love
Because your are just who I needed to love
Because you gave me beautiful yesterdays
Because you promise me beautiful tomorrows
Because you asked for my hand
Because I gave you my heart
I love you.

And that's about the best explanation I've got. <3

Some things I've learned about having a healthy, happy marriage are...
that it is not always happy all the time. Really. When you think about marriage when you are young, it sounds like a fairy tale. It's all love, and happiness, a beautiful home and babies. But reality is a bit more boring. But that boring-ness is comfortable in a way that is hard to explain. 
I always know where your dad is and that he would be there for me in the event that I truly needed him, at any time. I know that he is always there to pick up my slack. I know that I never have to do anything alone. And I know that I always have someone to run my ideas by and to troubleshoot with. These things bring immeasurable relief and confidence to my life because I know that I can do just about anything with your dad in my corner. But while I serve him in this respect as well, there is a dark side to this that is not talked about much when people talk about their marriage. Because your dad is there for me in these ways, he is also obligated to (in a respectful way) keep me in check. By this I mean he tells me when I am not doing my best. He tells me when my ideas suck or I am being selfish (the bad kind, not the good kind). He tells me when I am not being nice enough to my mom. And in that same regard, he tells me that I need to think before I speak more. And the thing about marriage that is not so great is that you argue. And fight. And disagree. Just like you do with everyone else. But the difference is, you've committed yourself to this person forever. And you promised in front of all of your family and friends that you would make this thing work. So you do what it takes. And that's the point here. What it takes is not always fun. It doesn't always make you happy. But it's worth it because when you've learned to communicate with this one other person, when you've learned to accept them for who they truly are, and when you've learned to appreciate their love for you because they want to help you to be the best person you possibly can be, it's only THEN that you've learned that you really wouldn't have them any other way, because then it just wouldn't be real. 
So marriage is no bed of roses. It's no fairy tale full of romance. But it is probably the one thing in my life that has brought me the most happiness and confidence in spite of all of the difficult parts of it. And I hope that one day you find someone you can experience this with too. 

I've learned that sex is...
one of the most amazingly special experiences you can share with another person. And I ask that you to wait until you are sure you are in love before you begin to have sex. And I do actually have a good reason for asking this. Because while you can have sex with anyone, you can only have amazing sex with someone that you love. Sharing your body is the epitome of intimacy. Please do not take this lightly. Aside from the obvious reputation that you will acquire, it devalues sex because it makes it less exclusive. If anyone can have you, then why should someone work so hard to earn your respect, to be willing to compromise with you, and to give all else that is required to be in a relationship with you? Now I am not nieve. I know people make mistakes, and people can be vulnerable, and sex feels good in more ways than one. But sex is not something that can be taken lightly and retain its beauty. Remember that.
All of this is not even to mention the obvious fact that sex with someone you don't love can lead to pregnancy. Do not do this to your children. They deserve parents who are in love, to teach them what love is about. This is one of those rare things in life you CAN control. Don't screw it up. 

Before you have a child, ask yourself...
Why are you doing this? Is it because you are lonely? Because you want to create the family you never had? Because you are excited and just can't wait to have your own family? If you answer yes to any of these then I suggest strongly that you wait. Having children is an amazing experience, not really comparable to much else in life I have ever experienced. But it is also the hardest thing I have EVER done! Having children requires you to think about and sacrifice many things in your life in a way you never have had to before. It begins with the demands pregnancy makes on your body which is again, unlike any other thing I have ever experienced. And by the way, it's not just women I'm talking about; your dad had to pick up much of my slack during my pregnancies and gave me HUNDREDS of back massages that I am sure he would not have offered otherwise. Then, once the baby finally comes, no one can even put into words how demanding the first year and a half is. This is not to say this time is not rewarding. But it is draining, and quite lonely. Still, the good news is that as your child grows, so does your relationship and so does the joy you get from it. (which is hard to even imagine, considering how much you love your new baby, but it's true nonetheless...) Still, for the rest of the foreseeable future, you become RESPONSIBLE for this PERSON. For their health, safety, happiness, fundamental, cultural and spiritual education, and finally their capacity to make value judgements. This is a tremendous responsibly that you will not fully understand until you have it. But it is one that you can somewhat prepare yourself for. Do not plan to have children until you are confident in your ability to take care of yourself. You should also have some concept of how you will support this child, monetarily as well as who can and will help you when you need it (you ABSOLUTELY will need it!!), and most importantly, find someone WHO YOU LOVE, and WHO LOVES YOU, who shares your most important values- whatever they may be. Please entertain these thoughts and have these discussions before you plan to have your children. They deserve it, but also, you deserve to know what you're getting into as well. 

I've gotten along better with my parents when... 
I moved out of their house. This is not to say that we didn't get along when I lived at home, it just did our relationship good when I truly became independent. Something weird happens when you move out of your family home. Your parents suddenly turn into real people, not people who you are obligated to see, talk to and obey everyday. You begin to judge your parents decisions at this point, for good and for bad. And when you can truly judge them, they somehow become more real. And this realness, this imperfectness, leads to an understanding and respect. It's not a confirmation that they always did what was right or in your best interest. But rather that they did the best that THEY could do. And this understanding is profoundly meaningful. And this only continued when I got married and had kids. These milestones help you to start to understand your parents in ways you never could before. Most importantly, though, you begin to realize all that they have done and sacrificed for you, because now you are responsible for doing everything for yourself. And in the case of my parents, I really came to admire them.I hope that you have a similar experience. And I hope that you learn from my parents, and from me and dad, and it makes you into a better person because of it. Because I know this is how it worked for me. 

And I've gotten along best with my in-laws by...
remembering that no matter how different they were from my own family, they raised your father-the man I love- who gave me two amazing children (so far, anyway...) And without them, I would not have MY FAMILY. 
But it did take time before I appreciated your dads family like I do now. I came into this family during a weird time, and I understandably made judgements based on that atmosphere. But I have seen them grow tremendously and work hard to be a close family. And I absolutely respect them for this. 
EVERYONE has hard times. Let this be your lesson in how not to judge a book by its cover. My in-laws are AMAZING people. They are kind, self sufficient, responsible and loving people. And I truly wouldn't trade them for any other in-laws in the world. 

When being truthful hurts, I've tried to...
get the truth out in the open as quickly as possible. My mom compares my style to ripping off a bandaid, and I'm not entirely sure she means that in a good way. But telling someone the truth, and having the courage to do that, is the epitome of respect. No one wants to be lied to, pacified, or coddled. People are stronger than you think they are and they have the right to know the truth. When it is your place- and this is key- tell them the truth and tell them quickly. And when it's too much for that person to handle, comfort them. But no matter what, be real with them. Having the capacity to do this is something to be proud of. Life is not always fair, or happy, or fun, but when you know what's real, you feel like you have some control over it. When others know more about your life than you do, it's devastating. Ignorance is not bliss- and don't ever let anyone convince you otherwise. 

The things of real value in my life have been...
my family,my relationship with your father, and my education. All of these things played a very big part in making me into the person that I have become. I think that my family gave me the expectations and taught me (in a very basic way) the way the world works. Your dad taught me how to truly love someone, and take care of someone, and how to love someone independent of what they do for me. Though he does so much for me- makes me laugh, keeps me happy, takes care of me- I love him because I LOVE HIM. HE is simply amazing. And I couldn't say that about anyone before him. My education, particularly my college education , taught me to think critically, and how to separate myself from problems in order to solve them. It also enlightened me to the world and taught me true compassion. All of these things prepared me for the things that are of the most value- my children. You have changed me drastically, in an amazingly positive way that I am so thankful for. 

There are many keys to happiness. One that's worked for me is...
being honest with myself about the things that I need and want and refusing to apologize for them. I have been very blessed to have never experienced depression in my life. I believe this has a lot to do with why I haven't. I have figured out what it is that I want out of life and I am working on making it happen. While I do care somewhat what others think (everyone does) I don't care so much that I allow it to dissuade me from things I want to do. While I think you should absolutely listen to others advice (including mine!) I know that only you will know what you truly will need. And if you ever don't feel like you do, just spend more time alone and figure yourself out. This will help you to develop your self confidence- and once you find this you will be ok. All you will ever have that you can always count on in this world is yourself. Learn to do this, and you will learn to be a positive force in everyone's lives around you. 

The value of setting worthwhile goals is...
that you learn you are capable of turning your goals into reality. Now this doesn't always happen. Even the best plans fail from time to time. But if you work really hard to accomplish something, the odds are in your favor. And when you have accomplished one of your goals, you will experience pride and self confidence like you never have before. And even if it doesn't happen all that often, you will still have this pride and confidence in you which you can draw from. And no one can take that away from you because no one helped you earn it. You alone are responsible for setting your own goals. Same goes for achieving them. But that's part of what makes them so special.

I consider indicators of good character in myself and others to be...
honesty and kindness. And I believe that these two things go hand in hand. There is nothing more important than being honest with yourself and others. And the truth is not always something that you or someone else wants to hear. But it is REAL. And being real, and being kind,  is all anyone can ever really expect of you. You will likely hear this saying a million times in your life, but there is no better rule than to "treat others as you would like to be treated". Imagine just for a second, if everyone lived by this rule. You can make a difference in the world just by living this way yourself. 

I regard social status as...
not important in the slightest. You will meet all different kinds of people in your life, rich, poor and most somewhere in between. Their attitude and character are what is most important. Do they make you happy? Are they fun to be around? Then make time for them. It doesn't matter where you meet a person, or what type of family they come from; if they make you happy, keep them around. And try to give dad and I a break when we tell you not to hang around some of them. We only want what's best for you and want you to be safe. 

I've found education valuable because...
it enlightened me to parts of the world that I never really knew existed. Of course everyone knows that there are starving kids in Africa. But did you know that slavery and genocide are alive and well in the world?! It sure makes our minor problems like power outages seem ridiculous. Education can do so much, teach you a skill, get you a job, teach you compassion, and enlighten you to the world. Obtain as much formal education as you want, but never stop LEARNING. Ask questions constantly, read as much as you can, and watch the news. But question everything you read and are told. Does it make sense to you? You are smart and capable. If you don't believe something, then you don't have to. You are your own person and your thoughts are valuable and important. please do not ever forget that. 

The most valuable classes I ever took were...
1. Religions of the World- I truly believe that you cannot accept or reject any religion until you have educated yourself about them. At least spend time to try to learn a little about the 5 major world religions: Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism and Buddhism. You may be surprised at how similar they all are.
2. American Environmentalism: This class opened my mind to the realities of factory farming, pesticide usage and hazardous waste dumps. It has made me so much more conscious of the way I take care of myself and feed our family, which I am grateful for. 
3. US Military History: This  class helped me understand why it is we as a country go to war and better understand the reputation that we have around the world. It was also fascinating to see our technology progress over time. I mean, can you believe that they were thinking of sending horses into combat during WWII?! But they changed their minds at the last minute. (thank goodness)

I've dealt with regrets by...
not really believing in the concept. Philosophically, anyway. There is a saying that I absolutely HATE. And that is, "It is what it is". I hate this because I really believe that it should be "It is what you make it". Bad things happen. You don't get what you want all the time. But that's the way the world works. Try to enjoy the good things, and try to find the good in the bad things. It's not easy. But it is possible. And you'll be a happier person at the end of the day if you can do this. Regrets will eat away at you and make you bitter and angry. But only if YOU let them. 

When I've needed to get over feeling upset, I've...
put on some good music and tried to distract myself for a little while. As you get older you will find that time really does heal all wounds. Sitting around dwelling on your problems does no one any good. And you don't want to go around making other miserable either. Spend time with people, or spend time alone, which ever you prefer, but do SOMETHING. When I am upset I will read or scrapbook (but I am not always upset when I do these things...) it lets me escape and distracts me. I'm pretty quiet when I'm upset because I've learned that I can be pretty snippy when I'm not. This will take time, though, to learn what you will need. But please don't dwell. Time stops for no one. Things change constantly. Don't miss out on something great because you're stuck on what could have been. Change is the essence of life. Embrace it and learn to move on.
And a good book to read is Mountains Beyond Mountains by Tracy Kidder. Trust me on this. 

In times of misfortune I learned to...
try to see the glass as half full, instead of half empty. While I do realize that optimism is not something that can be taught, you have to realize that dwelling on your problems will not help you solve them. You need to learn to step back, evaluate the REAL problem and come up with a reasonable solution (one you can ACTUALLY accomplish, not just something you WANT TO accomplish...) the actual problem usually has little to do with YOU, that is, unless you internalize it. You will have to experience quite a few conflicts before you figure out what works for you. Just remember, the sooner you learn to separate your emotions from your problems, the easier it will be. 

Patriotism is important insofar as...
You understand that we are one of many countries who think they are the greatest country in the world. ALL PEOPLE have innate worth and dignity and while being an American is something to be grateful for, it does not make you any better than anyone else. Our "way of life" our "values" are surely special, but they also change constantly. Remember that. But for the most part, in this country you can live the way you want to, so long as you are not hurting anyone else. Be thankful for this. MOST PEOPLE in the world do not have this luxury.
Also, be proud and thankful for our military. They work hard to protect, defend and promote our ideals around the world. But more importantly, they are amazing people who sacrifice so much of their life for the greater good of our country. You have to respect them for that. 

I think that political beliefs and political involvement are...
evidence of an individual's true character. But generally, it is a good idea to refrain from openly sharing your political beliefs. The reason I say this is because it is extremely unlikely that telling or explaining your beliefs to someone will change theirs. What it WILL do is change that individuals opinion of YOU. In the rare instance that you find someone who you can have an intelligent political conversation with, by all means take advantage of this opportunity. But do not waste your time trying to argue someone's beliefs away. You may just encourage them to dig their heels in deeper. 
The only exception to this advice is if you plan to become involved in politics. If this is how you plan to make your mark on the world, then so be it. But please make sure you are fighting for things you truly believe in. Do not sacrifice yourself and your privacy to fight someone else's battles. 

Being a good citizen means...
being a productive member of society. By this I mean pay your bills, pay your taxes, and work for a living. You need to take care of you, and not rely on anyone else to take care of you. I don't care if you're married, you need a job, and you need to be able to take care of yourself. Do not take advantage of social welfare programs. Do not use them to simply "save yourself some money". If you have no other option, then use them, that's what they are there for. But use them for as long as you NEED and no longer. 
In the same vein, life has a funny way of leveling the playing field, so don't take advantage of others kindness. Be kind to others and give everyone a fair chance regardless of age, background, race, income, etc... MOST people are good. Treat them as such. And respect the government. Obey most laws :) because if you don't you will only create more problems for yourself. Also, don't forget to VOTE. It is the single most important thing you can do to influence change in our society. 
And finally, give something to the world. Be it a good attitude, a piece of art, an amazing child. SOMETHING. Make sure the world is more special just because you are a part of it. Because it is, you know <3

I've learned to be wary of political parties and leaders who...
make some of life's hardest issues sound as if they have easy solutions. (poverty, taxes, abortion rights, etc...) They don't. But it is their job to make it sound like they can actually fix these things. Rarely is there a candidate who will subscribe to all of your beliefs, you are most likely stuck between picking between the least evil versus the best choice. All that you really can do is pay attention to the issues that matter the most to you and try to make the best decision you can. And do not forget, no matter the issues, no matter the candidates, your vote absolutely matters and a lot of people died to ensure you had the right to vote, so please, make it a priority. 

Everybody has an opinion, and I always try to...
listen to what people are actually trying to tell me. You have to understand where people are coming from to really hear what they are saying. What experience are they drawing from? A lot of people have opinions about stuff that they know nothing about. This is often the case when opinions are hateful, discriminatory or bigoted. This is an instance where education is extremely important. Don't go around telling people opinions about things you know nothing about. No one wants to hear that. But when you have a strong opinion about a topic you DO know about, share it with the world. Sharing your ignorance will cause others to judge you, but sharing educated opinions, in the right atmosphere, in a non-argumentative way, will earn you RESPECT. 
Please keep in mind though that everyone in entitled to their own opinion, as ignorant and biased as they may be, and this includes you. If everyone had the same views, this world would be such a boring place. 

In giving advice, I've tried to...
just encourage people to talk. They'll usually figure out what is best for them on their own. And when they ask you what the right decision is, tell them THAT. Because you never truly know what someone else is going through and you'll never know what the best decision really is.  The only exception to this advice is when someone's safety is at risk. This is the only time you can definitively tell someone what the right decision is. It can be easy to let emotions triumph over common sense. Don't let this happen to someone you care about without bringing it to their attention. If you ignore warning signs because you believe it is none of your business or because you trust their judgement and they do end up hurt, you will regret it for the rest of your life. 

I think the life mementos most worth keeping are...
pictures of course, but this comes as no surprise to you, I'm sure. Also though, I like to keep any letters or cards that people have written to me. They are very personal and special because you know someone sat down and thought of you while writing it. That's why I liked the idea of this book(/blog). I didn't sit down to write it because I felt as though you needed this information. You will pick it up along the way whether I tell it to you or not. I just wanted to help you get to know who I really am- aside from being your mom- and know that I care enough to share some of the things I've learned and some of the things I believe with you. 
I want you to know that I am not perfect. But I am real. I am honest. And this is me. 



*Topics inspired by the Hallmark Book: Did I Ever Tell You... Your Life's Lessons In Your Own Words.

I subscribe to the theory that the human consciousness is the the result of evolution. And yet I can't quite grasp the concept that physics, by way of energy and inertial guidance, plays a direct role in the creation of it. While it seems these two statements are at odds with one another, I do not believe that this theory is one which was inevitable but rather one which developed organically as a result of humans innate desire to be more than the sum of their parts. 

Particularly because this consciousness provides no immediate survivalistic properties, it is curious as to why we as a species ponder meaning as opposed to simple continued and improved being. I wonder why it is that we seek out knowledge to understand and not simply in an effort to naturally USE said information. While it is clear that the components that make up each of us are essentially the same, scientifically speaking;  we each remain our own unique individuals. This is significant and also puzzling. Though we each contain the same basic properties, we nevertheless each develop a unique consciousness which is our own psychological blue print. 

I believe that it's not that these connections are biologically energy driven though that is responsible for this evolution, but rather the brains innate desire to seek out this information to want to be something more, to matter in the grand scheme of life itself. We have thus created this understanding, this world in which we can interpret reality, based on our inherent need to be larger than the statistically insignificant creatures that some would argue that we are. We crave knowledge in some form or another in an indescribable need to make sence of and manipulate our reality to make it conform to and supportive of our desired reality. Desire is therefore the root of human consciousness, a fundamental building block by which the unique human consciousness is possible. Its inception is as much a mystery as that of the universe and yet it is just as real.

We all have a desired reality. And that is precisely my point. But where does this come from? In most cases this desired reality is quite specific and as different as each of us is. And most of the time it is a theoretical reality which has no direct explanation or plan of attack. It is the development of critical thinking and this conscious mind which as a species distinguishes us from all others. It is precisely this consciousness which allows us to entertain the concept of learning and determine which material is worthy of our being and which is not. It is this consciousness which has allowed us to evolve into a modern society which is structured to a large extent around our wants, not necessarily our biological needs. Consider for a minute the iPad I am typing this on right now, the roads I drove on today and the stores I frequent to buy my food. None of these things are essential to my survival yet they were all conceived of and developed by this consciousness which purpose has no fundamental sense of survival at its core. It instead reflects the capacity that the human brain has acquired in its evolutionary process.  

If energy is the brains benefactor of knowledge, than where does the universal desire to understand and wonder and question come from? Why are we prejudice against different types of information or knowledge versus what appeals to us directly? 

Using the explanation that there must be energy continually traveling different types of pathways which are making different types of connections does not disprove the theory that the human consciousness is innate. Because the fact remains that without this property we would not be the evolutionarily superior beings that we are. We obtain the knowledge we need in order to create and understand our desired reality. To a larger extent, we reject all else as it serves no purpose to our conscious mind. If energy were blindly driving our "need" for the consumption of knowledge,  then the more we have of it, according to this energy theory, then the more useful we would have the potential and desire to be(think energy drives learning= more knowledge consumption= more possibility= more value) and for this energy theory to hold we must be constantly seeking out and digesting knowledge in an attempt to create a more perfect human consciousness. And while the case can be made that this is happening on a societal level, it is not one which is happening on a personal one. 

Our conscious mind is driven by our personal wants and desires which are unique to each of us. It is controlled by its own innate boundaries and shaped by the knowledge and experiences we allow it to digest. A lot of it is by chance and yet it is nevertheless a controlled process. Human desire in the form of wants, curiosity and understanding is just that, uniquely human. Its origins reside in the complexity of the human mind and the idea that we are cognitively capable of more than our biological needs. The organic processes which take place there are certainly shaped by our biology and physical properties. But they don't begin or end there. If they did we would be able to ascribe certain theories which could predict an individuals desires or motivations with some high degree of certainty. 

And I think we can all agree that this is not the case. 

"Deliberate, studied ignorance is a concept that many find profane in this age of information addiction, but it's merits appear once one does away with the fallacy that an individual more informed is an individual more effective. A pilot must constantly be mindful of data about wind and clouds, but statistics about the wholesale price of Alaskan salmon have no bearing on her day. Information has no inherent value; it's chief utility is in its capacity to prompt reflection or guide action, uses that are themselves governed by contingent needs."

-Why no one should watch the presidential debates 
Zeeshan Aleem
The Huffington Post
10/2/12

In fact, I do find this concept profane. While it is true that information in and of itself does not have inherent value, the CONCEPT of information absorption, KNOWLEDGE, if you will,  is not so irrelevant. For instance, the pilot that Mr. Aleem  speaks to in his analogy did not end up flying planes by merely studying relevant wind and cloud data. Rather, she likely completed years of formal primary education, followed later by specialized training, all the while continuing to read and learn about topics of personal interest on the side, be it news, politics, philosophy, religion, etc. 

The part of this concept which offends me the most is the oversimplification of the human mind in relation to task management. Knowledge is not like pounds. It does not weigh you down. It enables you to identify logical relationships which allow for  greater possibilities. Our capacity to absorb information is limitless. Our brains are hard wired for this, to find patterns and connections in an effort to solve problems. 

Rarely does an individual only rely on specialized information to get through his or her day. Particularly in the case of critical thinking and problem solving, information not so obviously relevant can lead to the most creative solutions which may not otherwise have been possible without the retention of this so called irrelevant knowledge. 

And furthermore, to take this theory a step further and proclaim that American citizens should not listen to the individuals vying to run our country and represent us to the world is the height of irreverence. The ONLY way our democratic system can function properly is with a well informed electorate. (And believe me, I am not arguing here that we actually have one.) But to dissuade fellow voters from educating themselves on a candidates platform is just crazy. Where else should a voter get their information?! How about we listen to our politicians platforms delivered from their own mouths and give them the opportunity to explain themselves. 

If individuals take the next step of reading and watching commentators discuss the information delivered by the candidates, ("information addiction", as it is here so casually termed) it is a positive exercise insofar as it allows for that information to be dissected and reflected upon so as to test the platforms the candidates are offering in a safer arena than the actual real world where consequences are more serious than falling poll numbers. 

Finally, we all have our own reasons for voting. Mine is that I believe the system can produce meaningful change. You may disagree and that is your prerogative. But if you don't take part in it, than you do nothing but prove your point. You don't even come close to challenging mine.

And when I listen to both candidates platforms, think critically about the paths each are offering our country, I make a choice based on the KNOWLEDGE that I have gained throughout my formal education and life experience. The more knowledge I have, the greater capacity I believe I have to understand the worldview I am being asked to subscribe to. 

And it is this understanding which is key. Maybe you are comfortable with the idea of deliberate ignorance. Me on the other hand? I'd rather actually understand  what I'm being asked to believe in. And for that matter, what I'm being asked to represent. 

Failure is a loaded concept. 

It implies wrongdoing, but on the part of whom? It also has a sense of finality to it, which carries with it an idea that it cannot be undone. But in what capacity is this description accurate? If you examine a situation thoroughly enough, surely you can find a silver lining, perhaps even a lesson to take with you in the future which then transforms the experience into one worthy of your time. Is effort really ever wasted if it is honest and true? Is it not worth it if you learned something in the process, or even walked away a more humble, and perhaps, even stronger person?

I tend, rather, to believe in the idea of systemic failure as opposed to personal failure. After all, what in this life do you ever really accomplish on your own? Without parents, or friends, or teachers, or mentors, or children to help us along the way, from where do we obtain our values, goals and fears? This is not to say everyone has or even needs all of these resources. But the more you have, the stronger you have the capacity to be. 

Now when these support systems malfunction, or never materialize, failure is real. But it is not by your own personal doing. Sure you have the responsibility to overcome, to put one foot in front of the other and carry on. But you do this by rebuilding that support system which failed you in the first place. You don't wallow in what YOU personally could have done better. I can tout the virtues of introspection all day long but without role models or a support system willing to truthfully offer you a critique of your actions where does that leave you? A mind can convince itself of anything. When it convinces itself that IT IS THE PROBLEM, the chances of meaningful change diminish. It instead gets caught up in the idea that it is somehow fundamentally flawed. And where do you go from here?

Getting hung up on this idea of personal failure is a sure way to achieve it. This theory is not simply a way to spread the blame, it is rather the way to step outside of your perceived "failure" and think critically about it. After establishing what your real problem is, the next step is to figure out what you can actually do about it. (quite different from what you would "like" to do about it...) It is a whole lot easier to change your influences than yourself. Once you have done this, a good look in the mirror is the next step. 

Just be sure when your looking at yourself, you realize you didn't get to where you are alone. And if you did, perhaps THAT is the problem.